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Tips to Tolerate Awful People

Writer's picture: Colleen AltschulColleen Altschul

Yeah, people can suck. I might feel pretty enlightened, but there are still days I wanna scream, “I hate people.” (It’s usually after seeing a picture of a polar bear starving or seeing people who refuse to recycle.) We live in a world with trillions of people; some of them are gonna be awful. Let’s be real, a lot of them are awful. Humans are still evolving. It’s a slow process, and there are people all along the spectrum of enlightenment. So here are some thoughts and insights to help you tolerate the awful people you are bound to run into throughout your life.

Tip 1 – Understand the spectrum of enlightenment. Everyone is at a different pace of mental evolution. If you ever took a psychology class, you likely learned about Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs. At the very lowest level are people still in the mindset of survival. People at this level might see breaking into your car to steal your laptop and then selling it as an acceptable means to meet their needs. As we move up the pyramid you reach the level of security and belonging, which is where I see a lot of fundamentalist people fall on the spectrum. They are often scared of anything that challenges what they know, which includes new ideas, different kinds of people, and unfamiliar situations. They might not move past that level in their lifetime. The higher levels include the need for self-esteem and self-actualization. Here you get people that are open to expanded ideas, but they may still be limited by some social beliefs and limiting ideas and can still be driven by ego. The bulk of my friends fall into this area. We are cool most of the time, but also can lash out and be the awful person from time to time when the situation is right.

Beyond the Maslow scale lies the fully enlightened state of synergy with the universe. Very few will ever reach the level of awareness where they are completely in understanding of their true connection to all in the universe, and if they do, they won’t ever be an awful person. So as you engage with awful people, try to understand that many people are not living at your level, and that’s just the way it will always be. You can rage on with someone that has opposing political ideations, but it’s pretty unlikely that their needs are going to change, so save your breath and don’t let them bring your vibes down to a lower level.

Tip 2 – Show compassion. We rarely see the big picture. That surly person you run into at the supermarket might have just found out that someone close to them died, so their situation might have created a less than positive situation that you just happened to witness. We should have compassion for those people as we may be rushing to make a judgment about them without seeing the whole picture. I often find myself telling my daughter to have compassion for the kids at school that challenge her. Who knows if their parents are overly critical, or getting divorced, or abusive, or checked out of their lives. They might just be mirroring what they’ve learned at home. Picture those that really annoy you as a small child having a tantrum or acting out. You are less likely to judge a small child for an inappropriate reaction or comment. Some of these adults you run into may have not had positive role models in their lives. They might be doing the best they can. So maybe what you consider awful, is the very best that person can be at this point in their life.

Tip 3 – Be the change you wish to see in the world. When an awful person engages you, you have the choice in the reaction you give. Years of working in experiential marketing have made me an expert at calmly smiling and speaking politely to some truly awful people. You can be raging on the inside and still choose to put on a smile. Trust me, they are more likely to go away quickly if you engage them positively than negatively. By choosing to raise the energy in any situation, you can increase your chance of a more positive outcome. The more people that are out there living a positive life and raising the vibes of everyone they engage, the faster we raise the vibration of the whole planet! Get out there and be awesome. One awesome person can raise the vibes of many lower energy people. Trust me, you will make a difference even if it doesn’t always feel like it. The only thing you can control is yourself, so make the change within instead of struggling to try and change others.

Tip 4 – Learn from those that challenge you. Every one you engage with has something to teach you. Those that challenge you provide a chance for you to reflect. What it is about them that annoys you- their ego, their limited beliefs, their aggressive tone, something else? Are they stirring a specific emotion within you- jealousy, anger, embarrassment, sadness? Find the lesson that they can teach you. They could remind you of something that you have done in the past. They might remind you of someone that has hurt you in the past. Do they remind you of something you wish you were doing or feel inadequate about? Take the time to reflect on those that leave an impression on you good, bad, and awful.

We can’t get rid of all the awful people in the world, so let’s do our best to positively engage them, cause who knows, maybe some of our good vibes just might rub off on them!

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